Archive for Uncategorized
Weighing in on the new Dora the Explorer
I caught a glimpse earlier of the new Dora the Explorer via one of my favorite blogs. Check it out:
Dora the Explorer
The image shows a departure from the earlier Dora, age 6-ish, to an older Dora, age 10 or so. Claims have been made by all sides that the new Dora is “too sexy”. Frankly, I don’t get it. I think the new Dora is very sensible. Yes, the new Dora is fashion-conscious. Yes, she has dropped the androgynous bowl-cut style ‘do for longer, more feminine looking hair. Some propose that this more feminine-appearing Dora will become “boy crazy” and dense, which is a very troubling idea. The fact that Dora’s femininity makes her subject to be ditzy shows, in my opinion, profoundly internalized sexism. Why should a female have to emulate typically male or androgynous characteristics to be taken seriously? Why does femininity combined with intelligence trigger defensiveness?
Thoughts on this?
Well gee, thanks…
So… someone is stealing my mail. I guess they missed the memo that that is a federal offense. Anyway, I had some personal items delivered to my residence that have been lifted. This is the second time this has happened now. I am so frustrated.
Is it really fibromyalgia?
As I sit here, sick for the third time since November, I wonder if it’s really fibromyalgia I have. Could it be something else? This time it’s strep. I didn’t know that adults really got that, but I guess I have. It has been less than three weeks since I was sick with a pretty severe sinus infection. I woke yesterday alone in my apartment with a fever of 104. I was delirious. Luckily I was coherent enough to send a text out asking for help, which arrived. It’s such a strange feeling, having a fever that high. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion, and my hearing and speech were much different. I just don’t understand… I never used to get sick, and now it seems like I constantly have something. No fun. Anyone else with fibromyalgia get sick this often?
Housing Ableism
Okay, I’m about a week late on this post, so I’m really sorry. I know I promised I’d start blogging regularly again, so here goes.
So since the last post, I had an interesting run in with ableism on the housing front. I was planning to move to an apartment community with affordable housing, and the day I was going to turn my application in, I called ahead to see if they could accommodate my disability.
Certain units are rented out as affordable housing and certain units are rented out at the normal price, from what I gather. So I called and asked if they had any first floor apartments because my disability would not allow me to walk up and down flights of stairs several times a day. The woman said that no, the only affordable housing apartment they had was on the second floor, and there are no elevators.
I asked her then if because she couldn’t accommodate me immediately when I needed to move if I could have a second floor apartment temporarily until a first floor unit opened up. She told me that no, if I were to switch apartments that I would have to wait six months, pay another membership fee ($200), repay my pet deposit ($150), and another application fee ($60). I was like, wait… so because you can’t accommodate me, I have to pay more?
I said that I guess I would have to look elsewhere, and not five minutes later I received a call saying that a first floor apartment was opening up.
I hate feeling like I’m being jerked around because I have certain needs. The woman clearly wanted me to suck it up and take the second floor apartment, which I was not going to do. I considered it as a temporary solution, but it certainly would not work long-term.
Has anyone else had bad housing experiences like this?
Press On
It’s almost relaxing to sit here in the office alone with the laptop. I just received a text message in the other room, but I’m in no hurry to get up and respond. These moments seem to be few and far between as of late. I know things are getting better, but I feel like it has been a real test these past few months. I told myself I would never spank a child, that that was something I didn’t believe in, yet I have now done it twice. Neither time hard, but I’m still filled with guilt and uncertainty.
I’m going to get them started in therapy very soon. I’m calling to get them set up with appointments tomorrow. It’s time. They’re so angry, so filled with hurt, so broken. My heart hurts for them. I teared up in church today thinking about it, thinking about all the things they’ve been through that kids shouldn’t have to experience, wishing for the strength to continue on this path of showing them love and support.
It makes it all worthwhile when I hear people say things like that they see an improvement, even if just a little. It makes it worthwhile when my 12 year old asks me if I’m going back to school in Atlanta, and when I tell him that I am not that he is excited. I know that the things they say are often out of anger, I just don’t know how to help them be less angry. How to live more satisfying lives.
I know I haven’t had much worthwhile to say about fibromyalgia in awhile, and I’m sorry to those who come to this blog for that. My life is these kids right now. I never thought I would be so consumed. It really convinces me of that idea that your family is who you make it. This is my family now.
It’s really kind of strange. I found out quickly who was going to be there for me. I think one of the biggest disappointments was my mother. I don’t really receive any contact from her these days unless she needs something. Worse, in the realm of family functions, my mom uninvited the kids but wanted me to still come. It gives me a lot of respect though for those who have stood beside me.
Thank you who have stuck around through all of this.
Life in the Fast Lane
I can’t believe it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve posted. Thanks so much for everyone who has been supportive in this journey. I spoke with my insurance, and I was denied for Lyrica, so I am trying something new called gabapentin (Neurontin). It’s actually a seizure medication, but the upside is if it does end up working, I will be able to afford it for the few month where there will be a lapse between old- and new- insurance coverage. Cool. I just hope it works.
The pain has been pretty bad with the lapse in medication. I had forgotten just how bad it could get. I think it is the worst sitting all day at my desk, staring at the computer screen. I am very grateful to have a job where I don’t have to be on my feet, but my neck really bothers me most days at work.
I got to have a little time off from kids this week, thanks to the kindness of some very wonderful people. Lynn, who allowed the kids to do an art class for free at her shop; Ryan and Jamie, who let them come hang out at their house so I could get some things done; and Karen, who let the kids stay over last night. I have been spoiled with kindness ths week. These people are truly awesome.
It won’t be too long before it’s back to school time, though. I am a little worried about the costs associated with that–school fees, clothes, supplies, lunch money… we’ll see. To those of you with kids, how do you do it?
The Amazing Fibro Aunt
Yesterday, if you hadn’t heard, I finished my first week at a new job. Hopefully that will mean no more privileged, insensitive, ableist comments from bosses, at least for a little while. I’m really enjoying the new job thus far. I’m not just doing data entry all day and I’m gaining trust from my colleagues to undertake projects on the basis of my competence, not my age or the fact that I have not completed my degree.
One of the most difficult things I’m dealing with right now though is trying to raise my partner’s nieces and nephews that I mentioned previously. Don’t get me wrong, it’s immensely rewarding, but at the same time some times I feel like I’m crashing and burning. We had negotiated a bed time of 11:00 for the kids because it is summer, but my new job starts earlier and I have to be up by 6:30. My partner isn’t home in the evening, and I can never get them in bed with the lights out before 11:30. That puts me at 7 hours if I’m lucky. Usually though I don’t get to bed before midnight. Those of you with fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue probably know that that amount of sleep is not enough. In fact, it’s nowhere near enough. I’m subsisting on Redline energy drinks to keep me conscious until 11:30, which is making me incredibly nauseous all the time. Thursday, my partner’s day off, instead of keeping with my usual Thursday plans I was so beat that I just lay down in bed when I got home and slept.
Did I mention I’m out of Lyrica again and the insurance has decided that they’re not going to cover it? Because it’s not a “necessity”, so I probably will not be taking it anymore. It’s far too expensive without insurance. I hate insurance companies.
Trying to relate to the kids has been a trip, too. When they get angry, they lash out in ways that I haven’t figured out how to deal with. They say things they don’t mean and react violently (hitting each other, etc). Sometimes I just don’t know how to respond. I know it has a lot to do with things they’ve observed from others, but it’s just so hard sometimes. I have to say, for those of you who have kids, I have a much greater admiration. Raising kids is no easy feat.
Hope everyone is having a great summer.
Feed Me!
I know, I’m a little out of the loop, but I finally got a button so you can add my blog to your RSS reader! Just click the “Subscribe” button on the sidebar and add me to your feed reader, which ever one you use. Thanks for reading!
“Disability Dolls”: A Blessing or a Curse?
I saw an interesting article the other day about dolls specially made to represent people with disabilities. Down Syndrome, cancer, blindness are being represented in some of the new dolls being made, as well as dolls that use wheelchairs. The article gives three different perspectives, one in support of the doll and two against. The support says that children should be able to have dolls that look like them, while the opposition says that it puts too much focus on children’s differences. Personally, much the way I wish dolls representing other races were more readily available (I remember last Christmas finding a non-white doll for my partner’s mixed niece was difficult to say the least), I think that people with disabilities should be represented, even with dolls. I don’t think we should be trying to convince children that they’re no different than “everyone else”. Children don’t fall for that. I think we should be showing children, as cheesy as it sounds, that everyone is different and that we should embrace differences in each other rather than to just pretend they don’t exist. You can find the doll article here.
What do you think? Are dolls representing people with disabilities a good thing or a bad thing?
