Below is the abridged list from Fibromyalgia Aware magazine of things you should never say to someone with fibromyalgia, along with some of my own to ad to that list.
1. I think I have that too.
2. My sister-in-law has fibromyalgia and she’s still working. She says it helps to take her mind off the pain.
3. But you look okay.
4. Is that a real disease?
5. Maybe you just need some B vitamins.
6. Do you have any Percocet? I could sure use one right now.
7. Well, we all start to ache when we get older.
8. Can you hold this box for me? I can’t find my keys.
9. Does this mean you won’t live as long?
10. Well, just try to look on the bright side.
… and now some of my own!
11. So does it hurt when I poke here?
12. Are you like dying?
13. I know you can do it.
14. I think you’re just sensitive/a hypochondriac.
15. I wish you wouldn’t talk about that so much.
16. Well it could be worse!
17. Well I think if you can, you should.
18. Why are we taking the elevator again?
19. You’re too young to have this.
20. I’m too young to deal with this.
21. I think you’re doing really well despite this.
Admittedly, I always find i hard to figure out what to say to people upon a revelation of a severe disability or a terminal disease et al. Usually saying “I’m sorry to hear that” feels so insignificant and useless to say, because that’s what I think everyone should be able to expect from anyone they call friend. It’s the dilemme of wanting to be supportive and help out, but not wanting to step on toes and make the person feel even more disabled and useless than they already are. It’s a bloody fine line and not always very easy to navigate – best we can do is try.